A memoir must offer a balance of curated recounting and meaning-making reflection.
Reflection is the aspect of memoir that writers struggle to grasp. Memoirs that fail usually lack reflection.
With memoir, you must find the unique within the universal. The stories recounted by the writer of a memoir can be thought of as universal in nature. These are struggles, obstacles, challenges that most people can relate to—personal trauma, illness, loss of a loved one, addiction, and so on. Where memoir excels is when it offers a unique perspective of triumph and transformation. A well-written memoir is often compared to the classic hero’s journey: you are faced with a challenge; you go on a journey (literal or figurative) to seek solutions; you triumph over your challenge; you learn, grow, and transform. You become wiser. But this is only accomplished through reflection. Without it, a memoir is just a collection of related stories.
Let's dig more deeply and discover how to write a memoir that offers the reader a gift of your wisdom and growth using these techniques:
Unaware voice and aware voice
Conscious desires and unconscious desires
External conflict and internal conflict
Unaware and Aware Voices
The unaware voice in memoir represents how the writer recounts stories from an unknowing point of view. These are the incidents that happened before the writer had the big picture of their situation and knew where things were going and what ultimately would happen.
Compare that to the aware voice. This is the voice used to write the all-important reflections (the musings, observations, and realizations), a voice from a mature and now-experienced point of view. The writer looks back on their own story from a place of omniscience.
Conscious and Unconscious Desires
Conscious desires involve trying to overcome the surface-level struggles the writer is dealing with: survive a cancer diagnosis, find peace after a divorce, seek success after crashing out of a career, reconcile with an estranged family member, etc.
The unconscious desires are the deeper feelings and beliefs that the writer uncovers during their own transformative journey. These are the entrenched, true motivations of their behavior that they might have been blind to while in the midst of the challenge. The anger the writer feels about a divorce isn’t rooted in losing a spouse to a lover but in losing the moral support and financial security the spouse offered and fearing a future of loneliness.
External and Internal Conflicts
External conflict is demonstrated by the stories about the inciting incidents that the writer is recounting. It’s the stories about the bad stuff that happened.
But internal conflict is the personal exploration of the struggle the writer has faced, and what long-held beliefs, deep feelings, and old relationships changed as a result.
Recounting and Reflection: A Balance
A clearly defined theme in memoir is essential. And new memoir writers struggle like mad to define a one- or two-sentence theme for me when we start to work together. And here's why.
A memoir theme comes from the writer’s reflections, not the recounting of stuff that happened.
The theme is the consolidation of what the memoir writer learned from their experiences—a clear, concise understanding of who they were at the start of the memoir and who they are now at its conclusion.
A memoir writer who has not taken the time to make meaning from their own challenges and outcomes has not found the heart of their memoir. And this requires personal reflection.
It is meaning-making that is crucial to a quality memoir, and this meaning-making is the most difficult job to be done by a memoir writer.
Trish Lockard is a freelance editor and writing coach. She has written or been mentioned in articles for Brevity Blog, Reader’s Digest online, Boomer Magazine online, Life At The Intersection, Baby Boomers Magazine online, Ed Cal Media, and the blog of the National Alliance on Mental Health. She is the co-author (with Dr. Terri Lyon) of Make a Difference with Mental Health Activism. In addition to her website, she can be found on LinkedIn and Facebook.
- Trish Lockard
- Apr 5
- 3 min read
In November 2021, I wrote a post for my blog titled “Write with Purpose Using Indexing.” I had gone down a rabbit hole while doing research for a coaching client. In summary, “Write with Purpose Using Indexing” defines 13 different purposes a paragraph can serve. Yes, 13. For now, if you aren’t ready to dig that deeply into your paragraph-by-paragraph writing, let me present something a little simpler but still worthwhile that will improve your writing sentence by sentence.
Simple Yet Brilliant: But, Because, So
If 13 paragraph purposes overwhelm you, let’s look at how to write with greater depth and clarity using these three little words—but, because, and so. Consider these three sentences, which all start with the same independent clause:
1. If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home but recognize that major repairs might be right around the corner.
2. If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home because builders used older-growth wood than was stronger and more resistant to sagging and delamination.
3. If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home so you will benefit from moving into an established, landscaped neighborhood.
The independent clause is “If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home.” In case your grammar is rusty, an independent clause is a group of words that contains a subject and a verb and can stand alone as a complete sentence. So, you could make the statement, “If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home” and be done. Should you want to offer a contrast, a reason, or a consequence, tacking on another clause that begins with but, because, or so gives you that opportunity. Like this:
1. If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home but recognize that major repairs might be right around the corner. (But offers a contrast or change in direction in thought.)
2. If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home because builders used older-growth wood than was stronger and more resistant to sagging and delamination. (Because offers a cause or reason for why the statement is true.)
3. If you want to buy a house, consider buying an older home so you will benefit from moving into an established, landscaped neighborhood. (So offers a cause and effect, consequence, or result.)
The use of but, because, so sentence construction is a simple way to validate the points made in your writing. It’s a type of writing analysis that is encouraged in the early grades, high school, and even English Comp college classes. At the higher levels of education, the thoughts and statements become more nuanced and complex, requiring qualifying, evaluating, and synthesizing multiple statements over several paragraphs. But the basic structure is the same.
Final Thoughts
“But, Because, So” is clever.
“But, Because, So” is clever but it must be used selectively for greatest impact.
“But, Because, So” is clever because it forces the writer to validate their statements.
“But, Because, So” is clever so writers should use this construction as a springboard to creating more in-depth, paragraph-level prose.
What do you think?
Let me know but don’t be cruel.
Let me know because I love to hear from you.
Let me know so I can improve my blog content.
- Trish Lockard
- Dec 5, 2024
- 4 min read
The primary purpose of this article is to offer advice to novice writers who want to begin the process of writing a book. By that, I mean people who are serious about steadily producing pages of content toward a goal of completing a novel, memoir, or nonfiction book.
If this is you, the advice I’m offering is basic but useful for finding your inner author’s place in your world. You must take your inner author seriously and give it every advantage to succeed.
THE WHERE, WHEN, AND HOW OF DAILY WRITING
Let’s start by establishing the place, time, and method you will offer your inner author. The purpose is to create a ritual-like atmosphere around your writing sessions.
Where
Where will you write each time? A designated spot is important for new writers. A chair in your bedroom? Your couch in the living room? The breakfast table? At the library or neighborhood coffee shop? A park bench! Choose a place that provides you with the right atmosphere: the right amount of light, quiet, and comfort. Make that your writing spot and go there for each session.
When
When will you write? What time of day will work for you? Early morning with your first cup of coffee might be your time. Maybe after you get the kids off to school or the hour before they get back home. If you work, maybe you will write during your lunch break. Or in bed at the end of the day. Find a time that works with your schedule and stick to it each time you write.
How
How will you write? This refers to the method of writing that works best for you: on your laptop, at a PC or Mac, a touchscreen device like an iPad, or good old pen to paper. Use whichever method you are most comfortable with. If you are quietly scoffing at my mention of pen and paper, consider this—writing with a pen on paper uses different parts of your brain than typing. Research confirms that handwriting improves memory, learning, and cognitive processing. Handwriting allows you to feel more expressive and stimulates creativity. If you are a mature (read, senior) man or woman, you might know that cursive writing is used in therapy to increase cognitive function and stave off mental decline.
SETTING DAILY GOALS
Use these guidelines to set the goal for your writing sessions. Choose the option that you are most comfortable with. But once you set a goal, strive to achieve it at each session.
An Amount of Time
Write for a specified amount of time each session, then stop. Decide what you think you can achieve and give it a try. You can always raise or lower your time goal. Example: Each session, I will write for 30 minutes; 1 hour; 2 hours. When I have written for that amount of time, I will stop.
A Number of Words
Write a specified number of words each session, then stop. Decide what you think you can achieve and give it a try. You can always raise or lower your word count goal. Example: Each session, I will write 250 words; 500 words; 1000 words. When I have written this number of words, I will stop.
A Number of Pages
If you are handwriting, write enough to fill a certain number of pages in your notebook, then stop. Decide what you think you can achieve and give it a try. You can always raise or lower your page count goal. Example: I will fill 3 pages in my notebook each session; 5 pages; 10 pages. Then I will stop.
GETTING STARTED EACH DAY
How slowly or how quickly will you get starting writing at each session and how slowly or quickly will you produce your writing? If you prefer to ease into a writing session and need something to get the juices flowing, try one of these exercises:
Start by writing 5 feelings or emotion words that capture how you feel at that moment before you begin to write. Examples: excited, nervous, confident, worried, brave, uncertain, happy, disorganized, tired, upbeat, focused. Don’t overthink it. Don’t elaborate. Just acknowledge these feelings—good or bad—and use them to fuel your writing during this session.
Reread your previous day’s writing before you begin this session and write a short reflection on it. Yes, you are taking a few minutes to write about your writing! It can be very illuminating. If you are disappointed in your writing from the previous day, don’t beat yourself up! Note what disappoints you, shake it off, and keep going.
Some prefer to start putting down words as quickly as possible, writing as fast as their hand can travel across the paper or fingers can fly on a keyboard. Others like to take it as slowly and meticulously as possible. There’s no right or wrong method—do whatever works for you.
SUMMARY
If you are a newbie writer, establishing a routine for your writing is not just a good idea, it’s recommended for making progress. Famous authors, with multiple books and accolades under their proverbial belts, use these same techniques book after book, year after year. Having a special place, time, and method for writing puts you in the right frame of mind to produce. Your brain recognizes the environment you have created and snaps into writing mode automatically. Give my suggestions a try. Let me know which ones work for you. Add your own tricks to get into a writing headspace that others might find helpful.
In addition to working as a nonfiction and creative nonfiction editor and writing coach, I am co-author, with Dr. Terri Lyon, of the book Make a Difference with Mental Health Activism: No activism degree required—use your unique skills to change the world. Visit my website page Make a Difference and Dr. Lyon’s activism website Life At The Intersection to learn more about Make a Difference, including how to place bulk orders.
